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Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Care Packages To Secure an Agent: Now a Thing

Writers' Digest are advertising a care package to help writers secure a literary agent. I am not making this up - it must be true because I saw it on Twitter.

I clicked the link, and the care package contains information and resources on hunting for an agent. Very practical, I'm sure, but I was disappointed when I saw that. I don't know what I was expecting, but sending someone a care package full of information feels like giving someone a hug made of homework.

So what would I put in a Pink Tea & Paper Care Package to Help You Secure an Agent?

  • Two large boxes of teabags - one black tea, caffeinated as all hell, and one herbal tea. Maybe even pink tea, just because.
  • A mug to make you smile through the difficult parts - perhaps this cheerful one, or if they still made them, the sadly departed Novelist Fuel mugs from Nanowrimo. Every year I suggest they be re-issued. They never are.
  • Valium.
  • Cake.
  • A form query letter with blanks for your characters' names, title and word count. I want one of these so badly and my birthday isn't for another eleven months. . . 
  • A sheet of stamps, for agents and houses that still prefer paper submissions.
  • A giant blanket with the word 'Hug' written on it.
  • An inspiring A3-sized wall chart, listing famous writers and the number of rejections they received, with space at the bottom for the recipient to track their own progress against that of the greats.
  • A framed print of the URLs of Pub Rants, Nathan Bransford, Miss Snark and Rachelle Gardner, designed for easy and stylish display in a study.
  • More cake.
  • A jar of hot chocolate mix (possibly the chilli-flavoured one from Whittards that I've been enjoying since last May).
  • False nails, to conceal one's own bitten-down ones.
  • A book of Sudoku puzzles, to distract writers waiting to see that alluring tease, 'Inbox (1)'.
  • A Starbucks gift card, to give the struggling recipient an excuse to leave the house. 
  • A notebook for recording the journey - although most writers already have many notebooks, another one never hurts, right?

I reckon that would keep most agent-hungry writers happy (or at least happier) for a few days. Have I missed anything? Add your picks in the comments!


17 comments:

  1. I love everything about your care package. Especially the cake. I'd add fuzzy socks or slippers because my feet are always cold.

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    1. Brilliant idea! I always have cold feet too - I love those boot-style slippers that have been around for the last few years!

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  2. I think it's a wonderful and concise list, though a martini glass, bottle of wine and carton of ice cream wouldn't be remiss. More difficult to ship, I admit. I do like the fuzzy sock addition. Maybe a nice smelling lotion and/or candle?

    I could easily get carried away with this. :)

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    1. I deliberately left out alcohol because it shouldn't be mixed with Valium, but if it was well labelled to that effect I'm sure a glass and a bottle of something would be fine! Maybe a gift voucher for the ice cream :)

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  3. Agents love glitter. Always put glitter in packages!

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  4. LOL; I'm a fan of cake. Not chocolate and no icing, but yes, cake is always good. And warm blankies.

    .....dhole

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  5. A bottle of wine, but one which, once opened, disrupts your internet connection so that you cannot drunk!query.

    Love this post. :)

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    1. Claire, I wish someone would invent one of those. Not just for querying, for life :)

      Glad you enjoyed!

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  6. A clock set to publishing industry (glacial) time, you don't panic when six weeks have passed and you've heard nothing.

    I'd much rather get your care package.

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    1. That's genius! I'd love to find one of those clocks.

      If I ever put them into production, I will let you know ;)

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  7. Most amusing! Mind you, I'm not convinced agents really exist. They seem like pretty mythical creatures to me...

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  8. Damn, I wish I was an agent, just to get a care package like this, wow...

    Hug made of homework.....now that's a great line.

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  9. No Lindt chocolate bar? :) That's the only thing I'd add to this good list.

    Jan at Website
    Beyond Acadia
    Swamp Lily Review
    Faith Talk

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